America my dear..
Keep our souls near.
Too many shirts saying Rest In Peace
You see me as a lesser me.
How can that be?
It seems like genocide.
At least from my eyes.
I don’t blame white people
For not seeing us as equals.
We’ve been desensitized
Black people dying is so common that it doesn’t make the news.
Bloods singing the blues.
Prisons are filled with faces that resemble mine.
Even looking through a prism i can see were behind enemy lines.
But I don’t blame YOU.
You will remain you until you see it through my eyes.
I leave the house knowing that a white man can take my life
At any time
Claim he was threatened
And get off scotch free.
To you we are peasants..
“Who gon stop me”
Oh… hi officer.
You say I look lost sir?
All I did was make a U-turn
And look that made you turn
Hah. One day i’ll taste freedom and it will be delicious.
Your inner sense
And lack of innocence tells you not to trust us…
It’s just us.
My skin pigment will forever mean no justice.
Case closed. Why bring me before a jury when you’ve already judged us?
Why wake up in the morning when I know both my own race and whites would love to see me fail?
You can be as blind as you want. But the words are in braille.
America my dear..
I don’t know what you see in me
I hope its more than the scenery
its quite possible here is where i need to be
sometimes.. i feel flustered
cause my mind is constantly cluttered
full of thoughts i never uttered
you got me finding euphoria
while surrounded by paranoia
you never cease to amaze me..
the true definition of a lady..
i don’t really wanna pass that up
i know its love and i’m stuck in lust
damn.. there i fucking go again
i got feelings to but i wont ever notice them
maybe from time to time
i treat you sub par knowing you’re sublime
this could start a war but its worth it
a queen like you deserves to be worshiped
that might occur but i doubt it
i’d rather you whisper than to shout it
nothing last forever however love is timeless
we can last together loving you is mindless
i’ll call you so you can hear my vocal joints..
eyes stuck on you, you maintain my focal point
shes got me going places it usually hurts to go..
not sure if this is love, but definitely vertigo.
you know who i am may differ from typical me
you know way more than just physical me
Fell in love with you, I won’t ever try to climb out,
you logged into my heart, I pray you never go to sign out
I don’t know what you see in me,
I hope its more than the scenery,
words can’t describe how much your love means to me
Although our love isn’t traditional,
the love stands unconditional.
You ever been defeated?
So many times
to the point where it depleted you?
Almost deleted you?
I guess i just lied to the reader.
Lied to myself as usual.
I’ve filed down my nails to the cuticles
so I no longer cut myself.
How is it, that i love everyone but myself?
Yet, I’m hurt by all
You heard me fall.
The screams, the yells.
Me begging for help.
Or maybe you didn’t notice the signs,
or you did,
you just weren’t focused on mine.
All caught up in life and its hopeless design
and all I could manage to get out were whispers.
Like a cat and its whiskers,
you helped me balance.
You hawked me down and trapped me in your talons.
Brought me to new heights
just to let me go?
well. Let me go..
You were the only one that could save me.
I was too young
You were young too but …
I was too young
What can I say? What do you want me to say? That was back in the day, them Acura days.
When I was acting afraid. You happened to say your favorite phrase,
“Punk you hatin”
then said “I missed my period”
Which is weird because you don’t ever use punctuation.
I know it’s a text but uhhh, maybe I didn’t hear well.
Well, it aint fair but i responded “Farewell.”
You applied for welfare checks because we don’t live in Bel-Air
It’s hell here.
Each time, i feel we grow
& come back to what we know.
More than just the highs and lows..
Don’t get caught up in the moment, moments always fade.
I’m not trying to go forward to look back
like “damn, I should have stayed.”
I could keep pictures to relive the memories
but I’d rather live them back with you.
I laugh at your quirks and your tendencies
but I love everything you do.
The way you dress,
the way you smile.
When you get dressed,
it takes a while.
But, it’s worth it every time.
You look perfect every time.
This paper is my canvas.
These words, my paint.
Each letter dances,
while thoughts march in like saints.
I hold my brush,
but can’t seem to keep steady.
No tears flow though,
I’ve sculpted a strong levy.
Now my wrists seems too heavy
This weight is equal to that of an anvil.
Shove my face into an anthill
to numb the pain.
Put that picture in another frame…
I want to weave my web so intricate
to explain a love for life so infinite.
My deepest sentiments…
It seems that every thought that crosses my mind
Is constructed with the same design
I hope I’m on your brain
Because you’re imprinted on mine
I can have different point of views
But with everything I do
The only point is you
I’m trapped in a room and the walls are made of mirrors…
I’ve had plenty separate visions but this is clearer
I suppose this is permanent
Now I see the light and wonder where the curtains went
And why they tried to fight
I’ve been evading this for so long
And I don’t even know why
Continuously escaping when I should’ve tried to hold on.
But instead I told lies.
I see you even when I change directions
I see you beside me in my reflection
You see me and accept my imperfections…
I want to save this image
Proof that real love doesn’t diminish
You know all of my secrets.
I won’t let this glass fall to pieces
If we ever chipped or cracked or even shattered
I’d pick up each bit real fast as they scattered
I’d accept every cut and try to put us together
I shouldn’t have rejected our forever
Kings and their men
May not be able to put it together again
But my faith, my love, and my hope can.
At 12 years old I was contemplating suicide. I get silent when those conversations do arise
I was thinking do or die, because each day felt like being crucified
Who am i?
A boy who’s every breath rips him piece by piece. This boy has never left but he keeps his peace. A smile always graced my face because why bother others with my issues. Living this life lie day by day knowing it was misused. Oh well.
Maybe 15 months went by because I was stalling. In the dark of my bedroom is the only time tears were falling. And I felt like a failure because I knew I had a calling that I was about to just neglect. I’d self reflect. Let me press reset. Life’s a roller coaster? Let me press eject. The devil should get commission cause he sold me on it. No problem with commitment you could hold me on it.
The day came and it hurt as usual. The first time I found the pain to be beautiful. I didn’t copy down the homework in class, instead I put my actual assignment. A project I gave myself. I would finally grave myself. I’ve had this rope in my closet for some time now. I had thought it all out. So I wrote it down in my agenda.
I did this in every class. I took all my books home knowing it would be my last. Plus I didn’t need my mom to have to do it after i go through it. But it’s like she knew it…
That day on the way home she asked me for my agenda. I told her I couldn’t find it. Thought she would never mind it. She pulled over in the middle of Jamaica Queens asking what the fuck I mean. She saw what I had written. I told her it was fiction but she wasn’t trying to listen. Shit, how was I to know she cared. Didn’t seem like it. She said it’s not fair but my dreams liked it. My only way to escape as anger and tears took over her face. My brothers were in the back seat. She made me look at them and asked me if I love them. My life was them.. they were the reason I waited 15 months. They were 5 and 3 during this. They cured the sick. the reason for any bit of joy in me. my therapy. They gave me the strength to go on. Not just to prolong. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be here today and because of them I’m here to stay. My resurrection. It took a long time to kill the idea instead of it killing me. The love from my brothers is still in me. That is love. That is life.