Been That Way [Poem]

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I want that old thing back

Like a soul train lap,
Let me go one more time.
Feels like it was summer time
Nice day, perfect temperature
What a tempting adventure.
We travel down memory lane
Unravel the tendency of pain.
You make me the happiest yet,
I’m still not the happiest yet.
But it’s always been that way.
Nothing’s changed,
Running game,
Breaking hearts,
Taking names.
But I still remember
Middle of september
High school in 2008
My foolish self couldn’t wait
It was instant
The way we fell in love
When did we become so distant,
Everything is so different.
Except my mission.
And it’s always been that way.
It’s been too many years to count
And you’re still the one that I write about
Each time we talk still feels like the first time.
Every time you leave it feels like the worst time.
Our hearts seem connected forever
Our minds just don’t get each other.
From wondering
To wandering
Now look and you conquering
Taking life by the horns
Breaking right through the storms
You’re the ray of sunshine on a cloudy day
Baby its been that way.
Over the years, I’ve been with different women
Some of them were consistent women
Persistent in taking your position
No pertinence so they never had permission.
Only you ever had my admission
You opened my heart and you entered.
Went so deep that you found the center.
Maybe it’s cynical
But you’ve always been the pinnacle.
It’s always been that way.
Some things don’t change.
I still get blamed
You still take aim
We can’t be tamed.
So we try to maintain,
Somehow we still feel the same.
Some things don’t change
I can’t complain.
Hasn’t it been that way?
I want that old thing back
Looking through these Kodaks
Wishing I could go back.
Maybe grow my fro back
Then switch to the high fade.
And you bring back the braids,
The ones from eighth grade.
Back to when our eyes first met
Before things went left.
Before mystery.
Before misery.
Before walls fell
Broke loose all hell
Before likes
Before fights
Before bites
Before bikes.
When a hug was an embrace.
When I could wipe tears off your face
Ones that I didn’t cause
When you didn’t see my flaws.
We just gave the other our all.
When a touch felt like being caressed.
When each kiss felt like our last breath.
But it’s always been that way.

Bitch

I don’t want to call you a bitch

But you threw fits
And you threw fists,
So the shoe fits.
You threw those too
The four fit so easily.
Wait no, you forfeit so easily.
And you did that two times too..
Gave up so easily.
All of the shit you said you see in me,
Maybe it was just the scenery
Because you gave up so easily

Play On Playa

There’s a thousand you’s and only one of me.
I’m what the crowd views, but you’re the one I see
I could arouse you but won’t sweep you off your feet
You see
I’ve been with too many to settle down
To picture you in a wedding gown
Perfect picture posture
Kodak moments fit ya proper
Selfies on South Beach of our feet
And your hair blowing in the wind
Brazilian tan glowing on your skin
Eiffel Tower behind ya
Cold shower remind ya
I’ve been the other nigga one too many times hun
Her man calling while my dick is raw inside her.
And at that moment “deeper” is her only desire
Once I sense myself falling
And allowed it
Incapable again of being that man calling
Insatiable pain last time that’s why I’m stalling
You bitches are fucking evil.
The most vindictive of people.
But you want me to love and trust
What about touch and lust
Cause those random fucks a rush
One night stand
No names exchanged
Our tied hands
No shame remains
I COULD let you in,
You’ll think you can rescue him
Nah, alert my next of kin
Time of death, 4:47am
I cant live a lie
Damned by my pride
Another lie
It’s not pride
Just my defensive side
Your pensive eyes.
Just give it up…
Give it up.

Black in America

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America my dear..
Keep our souls near.
Too many shirts saying Rest In Peace
You see me as a lesser me.
How can that be?
It seems like genocide.
At least from my eyes.
I don’t blame white people
For not seeing us as equals.
We’ve been desensitized
Black people dying is so common that it doesn’t make the news.
Bloods singing the blues.
Prisons are filled with faces that resemble mine.
Even looking through a prism i can see were behind enemy lines.
But I don’t blame YOU.
You will remain you until you see it through my eyes.
I leave the house knowing that a white man can take my life
At any time
Claim he was threatened
And get off scotch free.
To you we are peasants..
“Who gon stop me”
Oh… hi officer.
You say I look lost sir?
All I did was make a U-turn
And look that made you turn
Suspicious?
Hah. One day i’ll taste freedom and it will be delicious.
Your inner sense
And lack of innocence tells you not to trust us…
It’s just us.
My skin pigment will forever mean no justice.
Case closed. Why bring me before a jury when you’ve already judged us?
Why wake up in the morning when I know both my own race and whites would love to see me fail?
You can be as blind as you want. But the words are in braille.

Capturing Scattered Thoughts

I don’t know what you see in me

I hope its more than the scenery

its quite possible here is where i need to be

sometimes.. i feel flustered

cause my mind is constantly cluttered

full of thoughts i never uttered

you got me finding euphoria

while surrounded by paranoia

you never cease to amaze me..

the true definition of a lady..

i don’t really wanna pass that up

i know its love and i’m stuck in lust

damn.. there i fucking go again

i got feelings to but i wont ever notice them

maybe from time to time

i treat you sub par knowing you’re sublime

this could start a war but its worth it

a queen like you deserves to be worshiped

that might occur but i doubt it

i’d rather you whisper than to shout it

nothing last forever however love is timeless

we can last together loving you is mindless

i’ll call you so you can hear my vocal joints..

eyes stuck on you, you maintain my focal point

shes got me going places it usually hurts to go..

not sure if this is love, but definitely vertigo.

you know who i am may differ from typical me

you know way more than just physical me

Fell in love with you, I won’t ever try to climb out,

you logged into my heart, I pray you never go to sign out

I don’t know what you see in me,

I hope its more than the scenery,

words can’t describe how much your love means to me

Although our love isn’t traditional,

the love stands unconditional.

Sandcastles (poem)

Long walks on the beach
Looking into your eyes 
I stretch out and reach
My hand lands with yours beside 
My only demand is yours in mine.
Nothing else in mind.
Children take their time
Building their sandcastles. 
We kick them over and laugh
Let’s spend the whole day together. 
Wishing that we remain forever.
You sit in your throne, higher than any other woman could ever be.
I’m your King, you my Queen deserve the better me.
We’re out of the country but this is such a beautiful state.
Seems as though time is moving at an unusual pace.
Let’s band together and march to the beat of my heart.
If we stand together how could we fall apart?
Things change. 
Times change. 
People do too.
I never thought
I’d see the day
Where I see through, you..
It All Falls Down. 
Things Fall Apart. 
Cracks in your crown,
Pierce in my heart. 
I wish you were mine.
I wish to be blind. 
Because now I’m finding 
The castle I spent my precious time designing 
was made of sand.. 
You kicked it over and laughed. 

Bed Peace

Staring at your hour glass shape. Not caring it’s an hour past 8. 2 hours past late for work and I didn’t call in. You got something I could slip and fall in. I don’t want to leave this bed. My peace. My serenity. Maybe I’m forming a dependency.  I watch you close like an enemy with hopes you don’t have to remember me. Instead.. I’d rather fall asleep to your hair in my face, and wake up to your morning breath.. sunny days are nice but I enjoy when it’s storming best. 

Too Young To Care

How I got images to uphold,
I still got images to upload,
My Instagram don’t once close.
Last year I had to ask to use the bathroom in school
Now you expect me to make real life decisions
How can you blame me for acting a fool
Textbooks are bibles. I studied what was written.
What was written doesn’t help me in real life.
What I’m living isn’t as simple as wrong versus right.
What I was given seems like a knife to a gunfight.
I’m trying to back flip through taxes
while these asses throw axes
And tell me to survive.
For now I’m alive.

Silent Pleas

You ever been defeated?

So many times

to the point where it depleted you?

Almost deleted you?

Me either..

I guess i just lied to the reader.

Lied to myself as usual.

I’ve filed down my nails to the cuticles

so I no longer cut myself.

How is it, that i love everyone but myself?

Yet, I’m hurt by all

You heard me fall.

The screams, the yells.

Me begging for help.

Or maybe you didn’t notice the signs,

or you did,

you just weren’t focused on mine.

All caught up in life and its hopeless design

and all I could manage to get out were whispers.

Like a cat and its whiskers,

you helped me balance.

You hawked me down and trapped me in your talons.

Brought me to new heights

just to let me go?

well. Let me go..

You were the only one that could save me.

Silent pleas.

Silence please.

Too Young

I was too young

You were young too but …

I was too young

What can I say? What do you want me to say? That was back in the day, them Acura days.

When I was acting afraid. You happened to say your favorite phrase,

“Punk you hatin”

then said “I missed my period”

Which is weird because you don’t ever use punctuation.

I know it’s a text but uhhh, maybe I didn’t hear well.

Well, it aint fair but i responded “Farewell.”

You applied for welfare checks because we don’t live in Bel-Air

It’s hell here.

Good luck.